Monday, December 21, 2009

Revising history

I pulled that last entry off. Too damn petty and negative. So what if the woman eats crackers in bed? I probably do a lot of shit she doesn't particularly care for either, but she doesn't whine about it.

BTW, I reported the missing credit card the day after I arrived home. Not one charge had been made on it, so obviously it fell out somewhere and either wasn't discovered or was found by someone without criminal tendencies.

Whatever, I received a replacement via UPS the very next day -- if that's not customer service I don't know what the hell is!

I suppose they love the way I charge things. But I don't run much of a balance, usually pay things off quickly. I used to keep it paid up on every billing cycle, but what the hell, it's only fair to let them make a few bucks occasionally for the service they provide. I don't have a problem with that.

I've got the notion of buying a new laptop on my mind. I don't need one, the old one still works fine. But you know how that goes. Sometimes, we just want something new just for the hell of it. More bells and whistles. A bigger hard drive and more RAM. Damn, that almost sounds sexual.

If my computer didn't have more "ram" than I've got at this point in the game, I'd be writing with a fucking pencil.

Let's don't even talk about the hard drive....

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Trip recap

Back home in the cold...20 degrees this morning (dropped a degree after I arose) and high going up to a balmy 36 later today. Screw that, I'm about ready to hop the bird back west.

Flight home was a bit more exciting than trip out, mainly because of the weather. Coming into Cincinnati, the pilot had the nose of the 737 about 30 degrees left in a big crab because of the wind just prior to flaring out. Freaking cold rain blowing, but he kicked right rudder and set that rumbling son of a bitch down perfectly, though we did some bouncing around in the wind. And the landing at Nashville was equally bothersome, bad weather there too and the Bombardier was a hell of a lot lighter and hinkier, but as pilots say, any landing you walk away from is a good one. I've made a few landings in a light plane in good weather that were a hell of a lot closer to disasters than these pros did in big planes in foul weather.

In fact, we were about an hour late getting into Nashville. There was some problem with weight and balance issues on the flight before we left Cincy. The flight attendant announced that and asked for two volunteers to leave the plane, noting they would be put up in a hotel, given meals, provided with a free flight the next day and $200 cash. Nobody volunteered and about 20 minutes later she announced that she was going to call two names and those people would have to leave the plane. I kept a tight ass hoping Jazzbo wouldn't be one of the names, since I had a ride en route to Nashville in a blowing storm and sure enough I lucked out. The two guys selected left the plane without much complaint, seeing as how nowadays raising a fuss aboard a plane can result in federal charges of interfering with a flight crew and mucho time behind fed bars.

The security check in San Diego returning was a bit busier than was Nashville on the flight out. There were four long lines going through, but I was lined up probably 15 or 20 minutes before making my way into the airport. I'd frankly been put off air travel since 9-11 because of what I thought was a much bigger security hassle. I must say, my experience didn't come close to some of the horror stories I've read about TSA personnel giving travelers a ration of shit or being rude. All the ones I observed were very polite and professional, and I suspect the people who have had problems brought those problems on themselves via a bad attitude. Same with flight attendants, all were very nice and accommodating.

Another great thing I discovered is online check-in. Did that on the trip back, got my boarding passes printed and paid for luggage before I ever left the house. (Delta seems to be one of the few airlines that charges even for your first bag -- $25 if you check it at the airport and $15 if checked online. I'll likely use another airline if I travel again because of that.) Once at Dago, it was just a matter of dropping my luggage off at the kiosk outside the terminal and smoking a couple of weeds before going in and queuing up for security.

I didn't do a lot of drinking while I was gone. I had a couple of $7.50 glasses of beer at Cincinnati, as the tavern was adjacent to my gate. They were tall glasses, not your typical small beer glass. Going out, I had one Black Jack and water on the Airbus out of Minneapolis. At $7, it was cheaper than the beer. And while in CA, I had 25 beers over the three weeks -- which is quitting in Jazzbo terms. I know exactly how many I had because I bought two 12-packs and had one with a meal at "Burgers & Beer," where one can get a burger, fries and beer for about $20. It's a hell of a lot better burger than the modern In-N-Out, which proved to be something of a disappointment, if vastly cheaper.

Hell, the Big Mac I had at a Mickey D's just west of Nashville on the way home beat the hell out of the In-Out. Their burgers have changed since the sixties and not for the better.

Next order of business is to unpack my suitcase. Nah, I haven't even done that yet. All I managed yesterday was a trip out for some cold cuts and bread and a 12-pack. Gotta get my ass in gear, having company staying the weekend.

Yeah, it may get wild on the Jazzbo homestead. She's bringing Beam, among other things.

(Christ, just heard pounding on front door. It was UPS with an express envelope containing my replacement credit card. Now that's what I call service! Guess they like the way I charge shit. heh)




Tue, Nov 17, 2009 Nashville, (BNA) to San Diego International, (SAN)
Depart: 01:30 PM Nashville, TN (BNA) Delta Air Lines
Arrive: 03:54 PM Minneapolis, MN (MSP) Flight 2983 operated by
COMPASS AIRLINES (on Embraer EMB 175 Jet)
1 Stop - change planes Minneapolis, MN (MSP) Connection Time: 1 hr 16 mins

Depart: 05:10 PM Minneapolis, MN (MSP) Delta Air Lines
Arrive: 07:12 PM San Diego, CA (SAN) Flight 2440 operated by
NORTHWEST AIRLINES (on Airbus A320-100/200)
Total Travel Time: 7 hrs 42 mins

Tue, Dec 8, 2009 San Diego International, (SAN) to Nashville, (BNA)
Depart: 11:35 AM San Diego, CA (SAN) Delta Air Lines
Arrive: 06:41 PM Cincinnati, OH (CVG) Flight 1551
(on Boeing 737 800)
Requested Seats: 20C 1 Stop - change planes Cincinnati, OH (CVG) Connection Time: 1 hr 24 mins

Depart: 08:05 PM Cincinnati, OH (CVG) Delta Air Lines
Arrive: 08:15 PM Nashville, TN (BNA) Flight 4629 operated by
SKYWEST AIRLINES (on Canadair Regional Jet)
Requested Seats: 11C Total Travel Time: 6 hrs 40 mins

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Winding down

A couple more days and the visit is finis. It’s been fun, though I wish I’d brought some warmer clothes for these evenings and for days like this -- another chilly one in the mid-50s, though it’s supposed to warm up about 10 more degrees this afternoon.

Nothing on the agenda today so far as I know. Went to my son’s new home in Brawley last night and had a nice carne asada dinner. Of course, I ate too much. Nothing new there. Tomorrow is a fund-raiser spaghetti dinner and auction, which I’ll probably attend; it’s a church thing, but don’t know if I’ll go to church beforehand or not. Might, might not. May depend more on how I feel. This cold I got last Wednesday is still hanging on, though I feel much better than I did initially.

I brought four cartons of smokes with me (mailed them actually) and near enough to running out that I bought a carton of Marlboros yesterday. Normally, in three weeks I’d smoke six cartons, so I’ve cut back a bit. Got the Marlboros for a little over $40, which is cheaper than Tennessee prices. They don’t compare to the taste of my America Gold, however, and I’d hate to know I had to smoke them from now on.

Picked up the biggest flat-rate box at the post office yesterday. Monday, I’ll pack up my cameras, chargers and cords and a few things and put them in the mail. They should arrive home Wednesday, the day after I get there.

Weather forecast for Tuesday in Tennessee is rain in the evening turning to possible freezing rain after midnight. My flight arrives in Nashville at 8:30 pm and I’m hoping the freezing crap holds off until I can get home around 11 or so. Be a bitch to drive than far on an ice-coated road. Nearly impossible, in fact, although it has to get pretty bad to shut down Interstate 40.

Oh well. Whatever. Take it as it comes.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Luck runs out

Just my luck. Woke up a couple days ago with a terrible chest cold. First one since 2004. At least it waited until near the end of my visit. But I need to get this cough under control before I go to the airport; many times now they will put you off a plane if you exhibit signs of a severe cold or flu.

There were several people on the flight from Nashville to Minneapolis that were coughing rather badly, however, so maybe I can skate through. Or may be I should just drink a bottle of that bad ass cough syrup just before arriving at the airport. Get all wired up on it and hijack the plane to Cuba or somewhere.

Nah, that’s doesn’t sound like a good idea. I doubt Fidel would welcome me with open arms. Or Raul, either. And the powers that be also won’t let you on the plane if you appear wasted.

That’s a change from the days of old, when I used to spend all my extra time at the airport in the lounge. I’ve been poured on a few flights. Had a terrible verbal run-in with a flight attendant once on a flight from LA to Memphis over the change I had coming back from a C-note, which I’d used to buy a round of drinks for myself and my seat-mates. Screamed at and cursed her, called her a fucking crook.

Yes, I was juiced totally. She was trying to cheat me out of my $90 or so. No need to “wait until we land” to get my change. She had a pocketful by then, from all the drinks she’d served. God knows how much extra money she picked up on the side with that scam.

That wouldn’t happen nowadays. They merely land at the nearest airport and take your ass into custody for “interfering with a flight crew.” Federal lockup and looking at long years in Slam City. It doesn’t pay to look at a stew sideways. They have you by the short hairs. A little provocation and they will pull.

Hell no, I don’t need that change. You keep it. Here’s my wallet, if you need any more just grab it. I would give you my credit card too, but I lost the son of a bitch! My bank account number? Sure, you got a pen? Here ya go....


I was talking to Gwen last night. She said there was a possibility of snowflakes on the old home range. Damn, gonna be a dab of weather shock, going from this warmth back into a typical Tennessee winter.

Oh well, I’ve weathered a bunch of them. I’ve enjoyed my trip, but have the feeling it’s time to get back home and back into the saddle. Lots of work to do.

I have to find that rhythm I had over the summer, when I wrote two books. Get back into the flow of things, stay on schedule.

I can do it, because I have. But it’s not the easiest place to get back to.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Church & stuff

I went to church yesterday. It was the first time I’d been to a church service in 51 years. The last was during boot camp and they made us go. Can’t be an atheist and fight for freedom, no.

When the gruff petty officer asked my religion I replied atheist. He gave me a look that would kill most grown boys. You can’t be a goddamn atheist, he growled. I’ll put you down as protestant.

Well, what the hell did I, a 17-year-old punk kid, know? I’d been to church some as a kid. Sunday school, too. I didn’t know what was what, where I stood.

I still don’t, though I no longer call myself an atheist. There’s something. I’m not sure exactly what. I don’t believe the universe happened by accident. Of course, that leads to larger questions: who created it and where did he/she come from? Hey, I didn’t say I had any answers.

But hell, I wouldn’t look at a new Cadillac and say it built itself. And the universe is a hell of a lot more complex than a Caddy. We won’t even bring the Swiss watch into the conversation. Or a lot of other less complicated things we’d never believe built themselves.

Anyway, I showed up there in church simply because it’s where my kids attend and they invited me. I received a warm welcome from everyone. My daughter is the church secretary and my son sometimes preaches. They are well thought of in the community.

Much of the pastor’s talk centered on financial concerns for the men's home, the women’s home. He quoted a number of scriptures that seemed to support the idea that folks should assist programs to help the needy, the unfortunate, the drug and alcohol addled. They had to come up with fifteen grand in two days or they were in bad trouble.

Don’t look my way. If I had fifteen large to spare, I’d probably be sitting in one of the nearby casinos, paying reparations to our red brethren for all that land we stole. I did that when I last visited a dozen years ago. Not this time.

After church, we all went to Celia’s in El Centro for lunch. The place was packed, long line waiting. Kind of semi-upscale, but they had a TV silently playing high up in one corner. I sat directly facing it and was surprised to see the Titans’ blue and white jerseys on the field. The game was shown locally on Fox because the Arizona Cardinals are an area team.

I got back home in time for the last quarter. Walked out on it about 4 minutes from the end, when Kenny Britt fumbled away that beautiful 51-yard pass from VY. The Titans were down by 3 points and I figured Arizona to score again and seal the deal. I was disgusted.

Course, as it turned out, the Titans got the ball back way downfield and went on a 98-yard rapid drive. Wound up with Young completing a pass to Britt in the end zone to win the game 20-17. Redemption for that fumble. Damn, but those Titans sometimes take one to heart attack city before pulling it out at the last moment. Probably just as well that I missed it.

A week from tomorrow morning, I cross the mountain and board the big bird again. I’ve had a nice visit thus far -- only really bad point was yesterday when I noticed I’d lost my credit card somewhere. Last place I used it was Nashville airport, and I distinctly remember the girl handing it back to me and me placing it in my wallet. But my wallet later went into that security basket to go through the machine and there were a half dozen security personnel there where the basket came out. It beat me through by some small measure of time, plenty of time for someone to flip it open and pull the card from the too visible place.

Into each life some rain must fall....

Friday, November 27, 2009

Update

We did the big feast in the park thing yesterday. It started out several years ago as a traditional meal for the homeless. Now, it’s for anybody who shows up, and they did. I had a huge plate myself. It was very good, but I’m sure it won’t touch the T-giving dinner we plan to have today. I’m instructing my daughter in Mom’s stuffing recipe. I can almost duplicate it, though no way I can get it as fine as Mom did. But close. It’s good enough that I can have indigestion for several days after an OD.

I’ve really enjoyed this trip. If nothing bends or breaks -- and I’m still around -- I think I’ll come back next Christmas for a few weeks. Maybe come December 15 and stay until January 15, something like that. One of those “wear out your welcome” visits.

Ah, don’t think that would happen with my daughter. She’d be happy if I moved out here. But, I’ve gotta stay at my little house on Paris Pike for the duration. That’s where I belong. Eleven more days and I’ll be back there. Not especially looking forward to the travel, but what the hell, it’s just a day. A day in the life. That’s okay, but the days have become fewer and the life shorter. That’s the way it works.

No matter. Get my ass home and finish up that murder book. Make a few bucks for all my years of pecking on a keyboard. Or maybe not, but I’d be surprised if I don’t. I’ve actually been fortunate to make a living pecking all these years, even if the end product wasn’t “artistic” by any means. It beats driving a honey wagon. Barely, anyway. (Don’t tell Tweety Bird I said that, he’d kick my ass!)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Homeless

Something you see around here that you don’t see at home is the vast number of homeless people. Brawley and El Centro seem to have more than their share of ragged men pushing shopping carts and standing on corners, or the entry/exits to mall parking lots, with their cardboard beggar signs.

Must be a sign of the economic times. When I lived out here in the 70s, early 80s I don’t recall seeing homeless people. Most of the ones you see now are older men, many of whom claim to be veterans. Some probably are and some likely pose as vets in hope that will bring in more donations.

I can’t imagine that they push those carts around during the blazing 115-degree plus heat of full summer. Surely they are like the “Snow Birds,” who migrate down to the Valley during the winter months and head back north in the summers. There are many of those around, campgrounds and small trailer sites are full of them. Retired people mostly, with the funds to own motor homes or travel trailers. Anyone who can afford to drive a motor home or RV nowadays has a little money stashed back somewhere, with the price of gasoline and the lousy mileage.

I was thinking this morning what a great documentary it would make to interview some of these homeless sorts. Of course, it’s nothing unique, has been done many times before. But everybody has a different story about how they got into the dire straits in which they now dwell. I don’t have the time or inclination to do something like that right now -- plus, you’d have to pay the dudes to talk to you, no doubt.

Interesting facts: El Centro is the largest US city (40,000 plus) that lies completely below sea level (-50 feet). Calipatria, about 23 miles up the road, is the lowest city in the western hemisphere at -177 below sea level.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Much to be thankful for

Well, I stuck a 12-pack of long neck Buds in the little dorm refrigerator in this room yesterday. We were shopping in El Centro and my daughter mentioned that she’d turned the refer on before I arrived because she figured I might want to keep some beer in it. Nobody drinks here and truth is, I’d hated to bring beer into their house, the main reason I hadn’t had any. But she said it was no problem whatsoever so I bought a few. And since I can smoke in this room as well, now I can smoke and drink, which comes in handy should I wish to. I only had a couple yesterday -- hell, had to celebrate the Titan’s win over Texans, doncha know. But I won’t be guzzling like I sometimes do at home.

We’ll be doing the Thanksgiving dinner thing here Friday. On Thanksgiving day, the family participates each year in a “feed the homeless” thing in the city park. Hell, they don’t “participate” in it, they do all the preparation for it, from purchasing the food to cooking it. My daughter is in charge of it through the church and my son, who is now second in command at the rehab center that put him back on the straight and narrow, also plays a big part in it. To see my son, Norm, transformed from a hopeless meth head into a man of substance and one respected by the people he deals with and supervises has done my heart more good than a transplant.

He laughingly told one of his friends yesterday that, “Dad had written me off.” He said it with a smile and good cheer. I told him I’d never written him off, but I had expected him to get killed eventually in a barroom fight or a drug deal gone bad. Or in prison. His friend, who is now his right hand man at the rehab, had taken the rough path as well. He and Norm grew up together, began using dope together, went off the deep end together.

When Norm got to the point where he had to clean up or go to prison, he cleaned up. He found rock bottom. And then he convinced Frank to get involved in the program. Frank saw what it had done for Norman and jumped in. Now they’re like a working machine, getting shit done right and left, cell phones in both hands. I couldn’t take the pressure myself, but it doesn’t faze Norm. He’s like a human steamroller of spirituality.

Today, he’s moving into his first new home. That’s a hell of an accomplishment for a fellow who, four years ago, was looking at the inside of a slammer for manufacturing meth. It’s a hell of a nice house -- I went to Brawley and saw it yesterday, when the carpet men were installing carpet and rolled good.

My daughter has a nice home here in Holtville too, five bedrooms, three patios outside. I love to sit out on the side patio early in the morning and drink coffee in the warming rays of the morning sun. It gets down into the upper 40 at night, but that sun knocks the chill off in a hurry. Later in the day it climbs to the 80s.

Both of my kids have accomplished more than I have, and they still have many years to go. I’m tickled to death about that. This trip has allowed me to see first-hand just how well they are doing.

And in the end, that’s all that counts.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Booze, or the lack thereof

I have had almost nothing to drink the past week (one drink on the plane, one beer since I’ve been here) and damned if I don’t feel better for it. Truth is, I haven’t even wanted to drink -- which is probably more because of the fact that I’ve been around people every day and doing this and that and not simply sitting on my ass alone somewhere, than it is because of some deep-seated need to stop drinking. Fact is, I haven’t even thought about that, it’s just the way it is right now.

Course, it may be a different story when I get home. There, confronted with that damned manuscript I have to revise, I may decide I need to deaden what’s left of my brain (as if I haven’t deadened it enough for more than a half century). And, the kind of company I’m apt to have drinks too.

What the hell, who knows? This brief respite from booze might go on for the next two weeks. I might decide I never want another drink. Or, I might get drunk tomorrow.

Whatever the case, I’m enjoying it now. Haven’t felt this good in many years.

I guess it’s all a case of how much feeling good a guy can stand.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Road

Forgot to mention last entry, but I read about 90-percent of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" on the flight out here and during layovers. I bought the book at the airport in Nashville ($16) after forgetting to remove the Don DeLillo book I'd brought along from the car. I'd like to say that I've enjoyed the Pulitzer Prize winner thus far. I like to say that, but it would be a lie. I keep turning the pages, yeah. But sometimes you do that because you have nothing else to read. And, there's always the hope that it will get better.

Not to say that it's horrible; obviously, lots of lettered folks don't believe that. I'm not exactly sure what McCarthy's intent was with this book, other than to see how dark a tome he could concoct, how slight he could hold dialogue, how minimal he could be in every aspect except the portrayal of dark misery.

He succeeds in the latter; one is not going to read this thing and come away with some joyous feeling of enlightenment or hope for the future of humanity. Perhaps the largest thought grasped out of this morass of bleakness is the faint hope that humanity will never come to such ends, though it seems destined at some point. If not by the machinations of mad men and the power crazy, then by the chaotic clockwork of the universe, forever spinning out streams of mountainous stones and smoking bolides in all directions. Physics, my dear Watson. The piper will be paid at some point.

Of course, we don't know the nature of the apocalypse through which the man and his son forever slog south on The Road. Civilization has been devastated by some disaster and the land is a barren wilderness coated in ash so prevalent that makeshift masks are necessary. There are survivors here and there, lone stragglers struggling against the harsh elements, and brutal cold -- the latter seems to suggest some form of nuclear winter, a clouding of the skies whether by nuclear explosion or an asteroid strike. As defined by McCarthy, this cold is colder than a well-digger's ass in Anchorage. And there are gangs of brutal men plying the roads and rounding up survivors for food. Cannibalism is in vogue in this brave new world.

Certainly, such post-apocalyptic fiction is nothing new. "Lucifer's Hammer" by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle, addressed such end time madness and organized cannibalism and in a much more entertaining fashion back in '77. In that instance civilization ceased because of a huge comet strike. "On The Beach" by Nevil Shute came out in the late 50s and I read it in the early 60s. Nuclear war ended civilization in that one, immediately for most above the equator and slowly for those like the Australian characters depicted in the tale. Again, a more entertaining book that The Road.

But hell, "entertaining" books or pop fiction don't win prizes. Literary books do. Except maybe for "The Shipping News," which won the Pulitzer and was entertaining as hell, too. But you gotta have gimmicks to do it. McCarthy does it with a lack of apostrophes and some of the most moronic dialogue I've ever read. And what might be considered almost vignettes instead of paragraphs in places, with about four spaces on the page between every one of them. Apparently, people who judge such things are easily swayed by anybody willing to break the rules far enough.

One thing is for certain: after you hear "the man" and "the boy" exchange "okay, okay" for about the five-hundredth time, you'll be hoping a pack of cannibals come swarming out of the woods and eats the both of them. That may happen in the 40 pages of so unread to this point.

I can hope, can't I?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

In California

Made the flight out yesterday with no problem. The ride from Nashville to Minneapolis was a bit bumpy; those Embraer commuter jets don't feel real substantial in rough air and the skinny little wings flapped like they might break off at any time. The big Airbus from Minneapolis to San Diego kicked ass -- we arrived an hour ahead of schedule, so we had a substantial tailwind. I had to wait to be picked up because of the early arrival, but that proved no problem because I struck up a nice conversation while smoking out front with a neat little flight attendent from Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Needless to say, I did get my In-'N'-Out last night. We waiting until El Centro and stopped there. It was good, but not as good as I remember from years gone by. That's cool because now I can appreciate Sonic, whose burgers seem to me now to be better than I-N-O.

Doing little today other than recuperating from the trip. I went 9 hours without a smoke and in truth, it didn't bother me that much. Course, when I got the opportunity to puff I was going like a damned smokestack. But I think if I were in a position where I knew I simply couldn't smoke (hospital, jail, etc.) I could get along fairly well.

More down the line. Busy tweaking this computer today.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

In-N-Out or die tryin'

Trip preparations continue. Just went to the post office and got the largest flat-rate priority mail box. It's not very large but it easily holds everything I wanted to put in it: smokes, video and still cameras, chargers, computer connection cords for both, jump drive. There's room left over for a few things, so I'll probably stuff the spare space with socks, underwear, etc. to take up the slack and support things. Or use foam pellets to finish it off.

When I hit the ground Tuesday evening, first order of business will be a smoke. Second will be to find the nearest "In-N-Out" burger shop. That's already agreed upon.

I refuse to go over the Laguna Mountains and into the desert without that burger and fries. If you've never had an In-N-Out you don't know what you're missing. The only thing that will stop me from getting one is if the plane goes down in a smoking pile of rubble somewhere.

If it does, I'll be thinking about that missed In-N-Out all the way to the ground.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

About nothing much

One week from about this moment I'll be on my way to Nashville to hop the big bird west. Damn if I don't dread the logistics, though I'm looking forward to the visit.

Why in hell can't they speed up technology and come up with the "transporter" similar to Star Trek? Break the molecules down in one location, beam them to another and reassemble them. If we humans survive long enough, that may be possible someday. Doubt we will. Survive, that is.

I've been inflicted with "picture-changeitis" here lately. Latest is the above, a shot from Ray's Place in Kent, Ohio made in July, 2000 during Cheryl Townsend's annual bookstore reading. From left, Haze McElhenny, me, Ron Androla, Mark Hartenbach and Bart Solarczyk. I was Jim Beaming me up, naturally. That was a fun long weekend as I recall and the last time I made it to the Kent reading, which continued a year or two after that.

Nowadays, I have little interest in poetry and less in poetry readings. I used to check scores of zines and poetry forums on a regular basis. I joined several forums at one time, but I no longer play nice with the crowd.

Hell, you can only stand so much "great poem!" "good one!" or "nice" before getting enough of it. And I've been guilty of that myself, I must admit. Poets usually pat backs in hopes that their back will be patted next time they post. Most would vehemently deny that, but it's still a fact. Many claim they "write for themselves" and don't give a fuck what anybody thinks of their poems. If that's true, why bother to post them?

Sure, it's all harmless fun, this blowing smoke up asses. Nobody gets hurt and somebody feels good for a few moments. I'll still comment on a poem myself sometimes -- difference is now, I must really like it if I do, because I'm not expecting anything in return. And some of the better poets (in my opinion, anyway) don't seem to be writing much anymore.

Ah well, what the hell. With all this "hope and change" in progress, I may get fired up and write a new batch of poems. Way things are going now, poems might get you put in prison soon, like Cuba or Iran. Fine to be arty-farty, long as the art follows the party line. Free speech is great long as you mouth what the power brokers want to hear.

It's not likely I'd do that.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Been there, done that

I got through that thing Monday I was dreading so much. It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, but then things seldom are. Just another experience for the old mental resume for whatever that's worth.

They located a good place to shoot the video, with more than adequate space for the camera distance, lighting and depth of field required -- upstairs at the city library. That building used to be a bank many years ago and I suppose the upstairs was office space or something. It was fairly open, especially one end of it.

The sitting down portion of the festivities lasted an hour and a half to two hours. They got me all situated and the lighting right, hooked me up with sound (and a bottle of water for the dry-mouth terrors) and got underway. The producer, P. J., told me initially that it was important to look at her during the process and not the camera; that's like telling a kid not to jam his hand in the cookie jar, and of course on more than one occasion my eyes strayed from where she was sitting beside the camera right into the lens.

There weren't any questions initially. She told me to simply start at the beginning and, in my own words, tell the story of everything that happened. That's what I did, for a lengthy time. We took a couple of breaks, for water and once for me to go outside and smoke. During the latter part of the interview, she asked me a number of direct questions.

At the conclusion, they had to let the sound and video sync in a process that took some time, which left me free to smoke all I wanted and to gab with Beverly and the other lady working at the library. And, it took some time for them to lug all their equipment down from the loft and load it in the back of a SUV rental. The entire rear area of the vehicle was jammed full and I mentioned they had a lot of stuff there. The guys, both of whom were probably in their mid to late twenties, said that was just a tiny portion of what they carried on some shoots. They seemed to enjoy their work.

I had agreed to guide them out to the Parrish Road location of "Haunted Bridge," the spot where the trio of miscreants had chopped the victim up with an ax and disemboweled him. After we had lunch in McKenzie, I did that and was surprised to discover I was going to be filmed out there as well.

I suppose I got a tiny taste of what actors routinely go through, as I was instructed on where to walk, how to indicate various features and what to say. Some of the video was shot from a tripod and some with one of those "steadycam" rigs, whereby the cameraman can move around without camera shake. In some of the shots, he backed down the road as I walked toward him from the bridge, although my attention was focus on P. J. who was to the right of him. . .well, I did look into the camera a few times.

We did many, many different takes, some "do-overs" and some totally different in content. The woman used sticks for "marks" I would walk to before saying a certain thing, or turning to make a sweeping arm gesture back toward the bridge before beginning my spiel. At one point, she had me appear to be searching for something on the ground around a pull-off beside the road. I was actually starting to get into that, but we lost all the daylight and had to quit. It was well dark when we left that location. They decided they were going to try to get a shot of the exterior of Casey's beer joint while they were in Huntingdon, so I gave them directions to that and headed back to the barn.

They were nice folks, the gal, the cameraman and the sound man. I've forgotten those guys' names already. They all said I did a great job, but I think they were bullshitting me. Hell, with the number of people to be interviewed and the show's length, I might get a sound byte or two and that will be about it. I'm glad I did it, for the experience and for a few technical things I picked up on the process of actually shooting that kind of situation -- wish I'd had the experience before I did the poetry video, it would have made a big difference.

Of course, there was some paperwork involved. I had to sign releases for the use of my interview and for the bit of written matter I furnished them. Now, I just hope they don't take some little bit out of context and use it in a way that will piss me off. It would be easy to grab a few words with that intent.

Yesterday, I got an interesting call from Talleah, another of the producers and the first one I spoke with when this thing came up. She asked me if I could recommend a lawyer for the production company, as they were going to have to file suit on the sheriff's department to get some of the photos and material they were seeking.

I told her it would be unlikely that any lawyer in Carroll County would want to take the case, however Jackson wasn't that far and had a plethora of attorneys who would. I can't imagine that CCSO is trying to claim that a case in which the defendants have been imprisoned for more than 15 years is still open and thus not subject to the Sunshine Law. But knowing how they operate around here, it doesn't surprise me. P. J. had told me during an earlier phone conversation that she wasn't getting any cooperation from them, and they seemed concerned they might compromise something that would aid the convicts in a future appeal effort.

That's a dumb ass way to look at it. All they have to do is furnish material and tell the facts, the truth. Nothing about that would ever help free the three animals who slaughtered Dennis Brooks, Jr. Their own statements condemned them, their admissions of guilt.

In fact, I've had a call in to the investigator over there for several days now and it hasn't been returned. I don't imagine any of them will talk to me about the case. That's fine, I don't need anything from them for my book -- though it would be nice to get that big problem area cleared up. But if I can't, I will make certain the gray area is described in detail. And I will note that I made every effort to resolve it and that old so-and-so wouldn't cooperate. Yes, I will use his name as well.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dreading Monday more than usual

I haven't mention it here, but I'm slated to be interviewed Monday morning by the production company behind the "Women Behind Bars" series on WEtv. Not only that, but their last request was that I stick with them throughout the afternoon and serve as a guide to all the sites pertinent to the story they are doing.

As luck would have it, they are constructing a program featuring Teresa Deion Harris, a woman serving life without parole in the Tennessee Department of Corrections. Yes, the same Deion Harris who participated in the murder of Dennis Brooks, Jr. -- and the crime I'm writing the book about. So, while I'm not real up on doing this kind of thing, I saw it as perhaps an excellent opportunity to work in a plug for my upcoming book -- which is about a third through its first revision at this point.

I think the young lady producer thought I was joking when I told her I had a face more fitting for radio and a voice better suited to telegraph. I'm not really comfortable doing these on-camera things, as anyone who has seen me do a video poetry reading can well attest. It's just not my thing.

But, I shall try to get through it best as I can. Complicating things, especially questions that may arise, is the fact that a couple days ago I discovered a huge discrepancy in the scenario of the murder as played out both in statements and testimony. In short, I (and apparently every other writer who covered the case, along with all the lawyers involved) missed one tiny little fact that makes the accepted version of what happened impossible.

I'm not going to get into what it is at this point, but suffice to say I will try to get in touch with one of the investigators on the original case this weekend and certainly will have to clarify this problem before the book is published. It's just another one of those unexpected hassles that always seem to complicate things.

We don't get WEtv on our local cable system. However, my brother gets it on his Dish satellite and he will record it for me whenever the show comes on, which will be somewhere down the road; possible after the first of the year and fairly in sync with my book. That would be a stroke of good fortune, indeed.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Do it to it

Well, it's time to fish or cut bait. I've managed to delay the distasteful as long as possible. The company is gone. The house is as clean as it gets. That goddamn manuscript is resting in pieces on a hard drive and it's calling my name.

Jazzbo? Jazzbo? Where forth art thou, Jazzbo?

I'm right here, you son of a bitch.

It's time to get back to work, Jazzbo.

Screw you!

You've been saying that for a month and a half. You're running out of time, dummy.

Do I look like somebody that gives a rat's ass?

It's early, don't ask what you look like. And I haven't had my breakfast.

I've got a mirror, mamahumper.

That's unfortunate. Maybe you could avoid it?

Fuck you!

Don't you wish. Anyway, you should consider getting back to work.

Why should I?

It's what people do.

Why?

To become rich, famous and successful, of course. Don't you want to be all that?

No. I'd rather be poor, unknown and a failure.

Well, you can stop working then. You have met all your goals.

I'm glad we agree on something, that you see my point.

I couldn't avoid it . . . it's right there on top of your big jug head.

Get outta here, mother fucker!

I'm going, I'm going, don't get excited and start brandishing firearms!

Just go.

OK, but just don't blame me when you fail again.

I'm going to work dammit, just leave me alone. I'll get it done.

No shit?

No shit, Sherlock. I'm going right now, see?

Wow, you're really gonna open that file up and do something, eh?

You bet your ass I am.

Very well, I'll quit distracting you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Now shut the fuck up and get out of here.

Adios, amigo.

Stick that finger up again and I'll break it!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Reviewing the situation

This little rough patch I've hit with the revision efforts may be all for the better. It's a good opportunity to remind myself that a writer is working all the time, even if the fingertips aren't caressing a keyboard.

In fact, a great part of the process goes on between the ears during periods of disconnect; that's assuming one still has some gray matter in there to process those most subtle of realignments and adjustments. I think I do, though I'd be the first to admit that it doesn't work on par with the gourd glob of years past. But there are still a couple of synapses firing a message or two.

I was sitting here a few minutes ago mentally beating and berating myself for not being hunkered over the laptop with that file open, accomplishing something. But truth is, when I push myself into something I'm not ready and willing to tackle, the end product might well be "de-accomplishment."

Yeah, I know that word doesn't exist, but who cares. It describes what I mean, thus it works well enough. You know what they say about rules.

I've got a good basic framework established for the murder book. Most of the key things are there. All it needs at this point is some fine tuning . . . cuts for brevity in places, an addition here and there to clarify a point. It's basically a done deal.

But of course, anyone who has ever written a book of any kind knows that you could go on forever with it. You never finish, you just stop at some point, after a half dozen rewrites of this and that.

Many times you can get a clearer reading by bouncing it off a disinterested third party, see if it flies with them. That works much better with fiction than non-fiction, however, because the third party doesn't have benefit of the facts you have and thus has no way of knowing if you're spot on about details. You can get a good reading on the general tone of things, which is what counts; most of the people who read it won't know if the facts are correct either.

Hopefully, one has a sense of integrity sufficiently refined to make certain the factual material is correct. Unless you're a politician, you will never gain anything by propagating outright lies and half-truths. They will come back and bite your butt at some point.

So, I took a sober look at things this morning. There is more time remaining until the end of the year than it took to originally write the book. Time wise, I'm in good shape.

There are lots of things to worry about, but this isn't one of them.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Little "going forward" (hate that BS term)

Wish I could report (not that anybody gives a rat's ass) that the revision work is zooming along and I am near completion. I could report that, but it would be a damned big lie.

Truth is, I haven't opened the file in several days. However, I have not abandoned the project and it will get done eventually, by the time I said it would. I've just had a lot of other things on my mind that have taken my attention away temporarily.

At least I have my travel reservations made now. I'll leave Nashville November 17 for San Diego and come back December 8. Three weeks should be long enough for a good visit.

I recall the good old days of air travel when one could board a plane and then get off it at the destination. That doesn't seem to be the case in many instances nowadays. On the outbound flight, I had a choice of layovers and switches in Atlanta, Charlotte, NC, Detroit or Minneapolis.

Screw the first two, because that's traveling east to go west and the total time of the trip was way too long. Detroit was out because I don't particularly want to get robbed, stabbed or shot while I wait to get the hell out of Dodge. So, I'll be spending about an hour and a half in Minnesota before I load up for the Golden West. That should give me ample time to smoke a half pack and drink a couple of $10 beers.

Returning requires a side trip to Cincinnati and an hour and a half layover before I get back to Nashville. Arriving around 8:30 in the evening is going to place a burden upon whomever I can con into retrieving me.

Another thing that mystifies me is why it costs about 50-percent more to fly out of Memphis to the same destination. The connections certainly are no better, and from here the distance to the two airports is just about equal. If I could have gotten a nonstop out of Memphis I would have gladly paid the difference, however.

This rotten weather hasn't contribute much to a sense of well-being or a desire to do anything. It's been about 20-degrees below the normal highs for this time of year, gloomy and wet. Staring out at the gloom through the window to my right makes me want to draw the shade, but at least the rain has stopped for now.

If this portends what's to come, we're in for a much nastier winter than we've had in recent years, though last winter made a good start in that direction.

At least it will make the natural gas company happy.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Flexible plans

Damn, I had planned to go to the VFW tonight and have what we call a "big time" down south. You know you've had that when you wake up with your clothes on inside out and vomit on your brogans. However, woke up coughing this morning and with a nose so blocked I can hardly get any oxygen. It's not noon yet and it might clear up before 7 or so, but if it doesn't that pretty much kicks my plans in the ass. Oh well, the best laid plans of mice and men . . . and Jazzbo, eh.

I haven't had any sort of cold or flu in five years. I remember that well because the last time I told someone that, five years ago, I woke up the next morning with a horrible case of flu; talk about irony, it was thick then. So I'm probably risking sickness again even by commenting that I haven't had those bugs for five years. Not bad for an old asshole who thinks three packs of smokes and a 12-pack is healthy living.

It probably is, considering I used to smoke five packs a day and drink a quart of whiskey. I've calmed waaaaaaaaaaaay down.

The book revision is not coming along worth a damn. I'm just into it in fits and starts, can't get a handle on what I need to do. I should have been working on it this morning; I got up at 5. But hell, I decided the kitchen curtains needed washing so I did that instead. You can imagine how bad something is when you forestall it by laundering fucking curtains!

Right now, I'm watching the Vols and Georgia go at it. It's 7-0 Vols in the opening stanza, but that's meaningless, can change in a hurry. (Before I could finish, Georgia ran a kickoff all the way back to even the score. See what I was talking about?) Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass if they win or not. Well hell, that's not exactly true; I hope they win, but I won't be upset if they don't.

I've gotten to that point where I don't expect anything of them, which is a good point to arrive at if you're a football fan in Tennessee. I'm just sayin' . . . .

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Time flies

It just dawned on me that it was three years ago yesterday that I set out on that long 2,300-mile road trip to shoot video of the poets reading. Time has certainly flown since then, though that immediate year afterward was a long one, as I struggled to try to do something with all that footage.

Of course, it turned out to be a failure of major proportions, a waste of time and money -- a great part of that money somebody else's. Part of the failure was found in the restrictive nature of simply videoing people in static locations, motel rooms, homes. There's nothing going on but the reading of poetry, and a tad of discussion.

Another part of the failure was in my lack of knowledge as to the technical requirements of making such a documentary. I did the best I could, but that wasn't good enough. I learned a lot during the process, however, mainly about what not to do. I could do a better one today, but of course I never will try something like that again.

I think about four people who were in the video liked it. I heard something from a couple more, mainly that they'd received it. The other half didn't even have the common courtesy to even mention it period, so I have to assume they got their copies. But that's about par for the Small Press.

All that said, I enjoyed the trip and meeting those I hadn't met, and seeing those I had again. Everybody was nice and pleasant and it was a good experience. I'm not sorry I did it, I just wish it had turned out better.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Rainy Sunday

Another rainy, dismal Sunday down South. Watching the Titans attempt to play football only amplifies the feeling of impending doom, as they are surely getting their asses royally kicked by Jacksonville. What can I say. . .only a true masochist can stand to follow the Titans and the Vols. It's good practice in the event we're ever taken captive by Al Qaeda, or waterboarded by the CIA. Maybe they should just forget those tactics and make the captives watch films of the Titans and Vols in action. That would be real punishment. And probably against international law, come to think of it. Talk about inhumane treatment. . . .

Anyway. I've got to get my ass in gear tomorrow and start accomplishing something. A couple weeks off, except for a little novel revision, and I'm growing worthless as tits on a boar hog. The only thing laziness breeds is more laziness. I've developed a fairly good work ethic in recent months and I sure as hell don't want to blow it all at this point simply because I hit a lazy spot. I needed some time away from the story, but I may have overdone it.

What the hell. The charcoal in the grill under my porch roof is getting very near to craving the fat on the big steak I'm about to throw on it. The baked potato is waiting in the foil for some butter and sour cream. This first beer I just cracked is mighty good.

Things could be a hell of a lot worse.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Dreading it

It was two weeks ago yesterday that I wound up the rough of the murder book. In the ensuing time, I've worked some on revising the novel (about half finished with that) and that's about it. I had planned to start revision on the non-fiction yesterday but decided to let that slide a few more days.

The big problem with taking time off between (or during) projects is the loss of momentum. It's bound to happen, although one can't go at break-neck speed constantly. You get into a rhythm and a routine and the words flow day after day. You can break that routine for a day or so without too much impact. But let a week go by and you're an inert object, sitting there wondering what you will do next. And when.

Of course, the good news is that the fire can be found again. It's not an immediate process, however. It takes several days of bumbling along to find the real groove, the place where you can slip back in and start to make sense of things. You get to the place where the big picture, the end game, comes back to mind again.

Getting fired up to do revision is worse for me, because I hate it. And I probably have less of it to do than some folks, because, as a former news writer, I know how to "edit on the fly" somewhat. I didn't utilize that skill to its fullest with this murder book, however, because I was more interested in getting the basic framework of it down as quickly as I could. And now I have to suffer for that decision -- which is justice, I suppose.

If I can work on it a couple hours a day I can knock it out soon enough. I've got a visitor coming in a couple weeks, so that will have an impact on what I do. And I have the trip coming up next month, which will also have a bearing on things.

Ah, what the hell. I'll get it done when I can. I'm not punching a time card or on a railroad schedule. That's a damned good thing, too.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Hmmmmm

Damn, but I hate the whole revision process! It's like going over old ground I have already visited too much and seeing a bump or two in the roadway that I didn't notice the first time around. It's very necessary to patch those potholes, but I can't pretend there is any pleasure to be found in the process. There's no great sense of accomplishment attached to it. It's like scut work, cleaning up the kitchen after the chef is finished shaking the pots and pans.

Of course, I'm working on the novel now; the non-fiction is on the back burner for a week or two, until the time is ripe to tackle it. I dread it with a passion -- if this fiction drives me nuts to revise, the murder story will be ten times worse. I would almost as soon be water-boarded. But again, I know that it must be done so I will do it. I'll curse and growl and kick all the way, though.

I'm not in a good mood. This weather is partially to blame. Who in fuck wants to see rain day in and day out? Bleak skies, clouds. It gets old in a hurry, this crummy weather. And fall officially appeared about two hours ago, a fact that does little to quell the aggravation I feel. It's like anticipating the end of the world on this eastern edge of the alluvial plain. That is what it looks like in the deepest dark bleakness of winter.

Ah, what the hell. Two months from today I will be basking in the moderate weather of Imperial Valley, CA., unless the plane crashes en route. With my luck that might be very possible. But if so, I'll be free of worry about revising shit in any case.

If not, well, we'll see. I had planned to stay a couple weeks through Thanksgiving, but if things keep going the way they are, I might stay all winter. Eat burritos, drink beer and get myself a medical marijuana prescription. Hell yeah!

I enjoyed being a Desert Rat back when I was one. I may be past that point now.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Finito

I wound up the Brooks book, or at least the first draft, last Wednesday at about 44,000 words. That was a bit sooner and fewer words than I had anticipated, but I decided it was somewhat pointless to go through 8 or 10 appeals hearings because they’re redundant, the same old thing time and again -- I did note one of them in depth and referred to those that came after. It’s actually not a big deal because they can appeal until the freaking cows come home and they will never gain release from prison. There are no grounds for reversal, no grounds for relief. They got a break actually.

I also didn’t have much to say about Deion Harris’ marriage in prison, other than to note it happened. The fool she married is claiming she is innocent and making all sorts of attempts to get her out of prison. They say love is blind -- in this case I’d say it’s also deaf and stupid.

The heartless bitch is right were she deserves to be. No. She should be in the graveyard after taking a ride on “Old Sparky,” which was still in use when those murderous cretins elected to slaughter young Mr. Brooks. In any case, I’ll have no part in promoting her marriage or anything to do with her. If some fool wants to marry the slut that’s his problem. They don’t even have conjugal visits in Tennessee, so he’s SOOL getting some of that nookie.

I'm letting the draft rest for a couple weeks before tackling revisions. In the meantime, I'm revising the "vampire" novel. But today, I'm watching football and will shortly be watching the Vols get their asses kicked in The Swamp.

I might wind up surprised, but I seriously doubt it. No matter. When you're a Vols fan in recent years, you get used to disappointment.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Brief update

Finished up the last of the trial stuff today at 41,000 words. Now, I have to cover all the motions for a new trial and the court appeals and such that have happened since the final conviction. Also have to pay a bit of attention to the fact that Harris has married a retired airline pilot while in prison and continues to seek freedom, although that's not going to happen.

There's way too much of that appeal BS, but the system is designed to make certain nobody innocent falls through the cracks. In a case like this one, it's all too evident that the three defendants were guilty as sin and, had justice really been served, would have been consigned to take a one-way ride on "Ol' Sparky" instead of wasting air and space today. I won't mention anything about wasting taxpayer money because it's much cheaper to house them for life than it is to execute them.

Anyway, I'm just looking forward to getting all these little ducks in a row and then taking a break before I begin the process of polishing this clump of rough stone into a shiny gem. It may never be that, but it will be better than it is at this moment for damned sure.

Then, I can go back to writing nice, easy fiction, where it makes less of a rat's ass if you're exactly correct or not.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Plugging along still

Been several days since I entered anything here and not a lot to report. Still plodding along on the book, although I'm taking the entire weekend off for a breather. But at the 30K mark and hope to be approaching 40,000 by this time next week; that may or may not happen, depending strictly up all the unforeseen shit that crops up in any span of time.

Truth is, I think I still have a tinge of hangover from Friday night's serious partying at the VFW. I haven't drunk any hard liquor in quite some time, but I had a few shots of tequila and Jim Beam with the suds and they didn't go over all that well. It was probably a good reminder to stay away from that stuff.

And no, I wasn't driving and the driver wasn't drinking. I won't say I'll never get thrown into jail again, but I'll say that it damned sure won't be for DUI--especially not on a holiday weekend, when those cops are out swarming like maggots on rotting road kill.

Anyway, it's great to drink somewhere you can still smoke because for me the two go hand in hand. I suppose the dictators will get around to banning it in private clubs sooner or later, they seem obsessed with controlling every moment of our lives nowadays.

(My brother showed up at this point about 2 hours ago and started mowing my yard. I didn't know he was coming but good to get it mowed--though my normal yard man may get pissed, but I've put off calling him because I heard he was sick. Anyway, mowing, trimming and all and while I didn't do much myself, my ass got worn out just out in the sun and heat.

It's beer thirty all of a sudden.)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Progress report

I'm kicking ass on this writing project, and it's kicking my ass somewhat as well. In the past two days, I've added 7,300 words, 4,300 of them today. My total is up to around 24,000 and it wouldn't be wrong to say I'm at least halfway done, if not more than that.

It's amazing how vivid 15, 16 year old memories are when you begin to explore them a bit. Certainly I have a world of documents to work from, but I can remember so much of this now that the wound has been reopened.

It was not a particularly pleasant time for me on the personal level, having been involved in my second DUI when all this was going down--indeed, I had to skip jail service one weekend just to write up a massive account before deadline. And there was a personal relationship that had gone Shitsville during the same period, which didn't do much to enhance things.

But what the hell, the fires of misery forge us into the steel-hardened individuals we become, eh? Or some such shit. All I can say is, there's been a lot of water pass beneath the bridge in the ensuing years and most of that might have felt right at home inside a septic line. But that's the way life goes -- first your money and then your clothes, as the old gambler's song goes.

At this point, I simply want to finish the rough draft as quickly as possible, because I intend to devote an inordinate amount of time to the rewriting, editing process. When I'm finished, this son of a bitch is going to be polished up like an apple you wouldn't hesitate to give to your favorite teach.

The way things go in school nowadays, the teacher would probably give you a blow job in return. Alas, I lived in a kinder, gentler age.

Just checking in, folks. Just checking in.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday, Sunday

As I've aged, Sunday has become one of my favorite days of the week. No. I has become the favorite day. And it has nothing to do with religion, although I have nothing against religion.

It's a day you can kick back without feeling guilty about it. If God made the world in six days and rested on the seventh, then there is certainly nothing wrong with an old sinner taking a break from pecking a keyboard.

I daresay I'll never accomplish anything close to creating the universe; not sure that I would want to if I could, considering the direction humanity has taken over the ages. But we all live in little worlds of our own, surrounded by a galaxy of things that are important to us beyond that larger picture of chaos, madness. It's what we do in our own little universe that counts most in the mush between our ears.

I speak of "kicking back," but in truth the laptop and the pile of notes on the coffee table is calling my name right now at shortly after 10 in the morning. It will be difficult to resist firing things up and having another go at it today; I've fallen into a rhythm with the project, the kind of mental attitude that compels one not only to go on, but to want to go on. That's the place where a writer starts cooking in earnest. What could be drudgery becomes a pleasure. The once foreboding is accepted with open arms.

If only that would last. It won't. At some point, the joy will be replaced by agony. Those synapses firing all the good thoughts in need of immediate expression will be hijacked by little dark rebel notions lugging big loads of doubt and writer blockage. The glowing sun of creativity will set behind a dark mountain of gloom and despair.

Well, what the hell. Enjoy the ride while it's happening.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Doing it

The little mix-up in my work files yesterday has irritated me, although it hasn't irreparably ruined anything. The almost thousand words I wrote are all still usable, although it will require some shifting around and replacement. I would have sworn I had those galley pages in the proper sequence but obviously that's not the case. I'll have have to double check everything and the only real way I can do that is to borrow the hard-copy books from the newspaper's morgue, the four covering 1993 and 1994. Some extra trouble, but on a project of this nature you can depend on running into all sorts of unforeseen problems. It's the nature of the beast. Anyway, after this morning's writing session I should be closing in on 10,000 words.

I was telling someone yesterday that writing non-fiction is way harder than writing fiction. At least for me. That's not always the case, if you consider straight journalism as "non-fiction" (which ideally it should be, for obvious reasons), but that's a different matter. The on-the-fly news writing is fairly simply because there's a formula you follow, if you know what the hell you're doing. The hook, the lead (or "lede" if you wanna be Internet hip today), inverted pyramids. What gets the wood.

But everything is modern now. Smoke-free news rooms, silent computers, decorum. No grouchy old bastards, fedoras cocked at jaunty angles, hunkered over huge manuals banging out raw copy on rolls of pulp paper jammed into platens. Bottles of bourbon in desk drawers. Ragged yellow light splintering like haze through battlefield smoke. I got in on a bit of the tail end of that era in the sixties, but it was well in its death throes by then.

What I'm doing with this book is certainly journalism, if of a different kind. And it's oral history too, because I experienced first hand almost everything that will be included in the book. It has to be correct, absolutely. There's no leeway for mistakes. That's why it's more difficult.

Well, what the hell. Anything too easy is not worth doing, generally. The more the effort, the more the reward, the sense of accomplishment. I feel a bit of pity for anyone who has never written a book because they will never experience that feeling when the last word goes down. Certainly, that elation -- followed by a odd sense of loss -- diminishes with each book, but it is still there.

Not like 1977, when I completed the first novel. I jumped up screaming, dancing around, laughing. That could have been partially caused by a little whiskey and a little Dexedrine, and maybe a couple other things. But within an hour I was in tears, feeling as though I had lost my best friend. Something had stopped, ended, concluded. It was just a process, but it became more than that in my mind. An addictive personality will get hooked on anything. Even a book manuscript.

Rain has started. A few minutes ago when the front first came in, the sky was dark as night almost, wind up. We have the possibility of severe weather today and tonight and will no doubt see some.

I'd best get my ass in the saddle, while electricity is available. That laptop battery is only good for a couple hours. (The one I'm thinking about buying has an 8-hour battery.)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Trying to stay on track

After a three-day weekend of totally screwing around and not writing a word on the book, got back into it yesterday with a bit more than 1,500 words. That put me somewhat beyond 6,000 words total. Very shortly I will sit down to the laptop, galleys on a writing easel and about 20 reporter notebooks and see what I can do today. I want to beat the 500 word minimum; in fact, I'd like to write 1,500 or 2K every day, but doubt I will and don't want to tie myself to that expectation.

At this point, I'm simply building the story block by block, from start to finish. When that is done, I will go back and create the "writing" in it. And yeah, some of that will be "fluff," no denying it. And some humor at points, where appropriate. This is a dark and tragic story at best, and a little mood-lightener at places won't hurt anything so long as they don't damage the credibility of the story.

As an example, I plan to give asides such as the one below, concerning the DA who prosecuted the case. This is from a section completed.

~~~

Assistant District Attorney Eleanor Cahill had handled the prior court actions in the case. Cahill was a good prosecutor who could get as tough as any of the boys when the going got rough, as she demonstrated many a time. However, with a case of this magnitude before the court, there was little doubt that the big gun himself, DA General Robert Gus Radford, would guide the prosecution with a personal hand. Thus, few were surprised to see General Radford seated on the state’s side of the table, flanked by Cahill and a stack of files.

“Gus,” as he was known to one and all, was a formidable foe in any court. A rather large man with a disarming friendliness, he came across to witnesses as a man ready to understand anything. He had a slight stammer and perhaps he used it to advantage at times, giving the impression that maybe he wasn’t keeping up with things well as he might have. But there was a steel-trap mind working all the time and, at the right moment, Gus would spring it and catch some witness under cross examination in a situation hard to explain. And he could come back with biting sarcasm when it was deserved.

Once, while questioning a woman whose husband, along with another man, was charged with robbing an elderly county resident, Radford inquired of whether or not she had noticed anything strange when she arose the morning after the robbery. The woman said she hadn’t really noticed anything unusual, although there were two sets of men’s clothing that hadn’t been there the night before in the middle of living room floor that morning. And also, she noticed a sawed-off shotgun on top of the refrigerator. That gave Radford a perfect opening, as he turned toward the jury and smiled.

“Oh, I’m sure we all understand that,” he said in all earnestness. “We all get up and find strange clothing in the middle of our living room floor and sawed-off shotguns on top of our refrigerator.” Several of the jurors unsuccessfully tried to suppress grins at that and at least one reporter struggled to keep from bursting out laughing. The witness could do nothing but sit there with a mortified look on her face.


~~~

That kind of thing. Back story and reference in some parts, personality stuff. You can't just lay down the utter bleak details without some kind of cushion, it's too dry and uninteresting.

Oh well, enough talking about how to do it. Time to do it instead.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The day of reckoning

You can only avoid it so long. It builds up and up and at some point, action simply must be taken. It's always a dreaded day, but it's always lurking out there, staring one in the face. You know it's coming and you shiver and dread it, but like death and taxes, it can't be stopped. Finally, the day arrives.

You have to do the laundry. That happens because all the many, many socks, Jockeys and T-shirts you have amassed are nearly depleted. Well, truth is, I have probably 15 or 20 pair of underwear I've never worn and don't ask me why. I just don't get around to them because, by the time my T-shirts are depleted, along with button-ups, the old ones get washed and they're "broken in" and more comfortable, so to speak.

And I have socks galore too, many not worn in years. When I was preparing to go to the funeral last week, I was searching for a pair of dark dress socks to go with the navy blue pinstripe suit and found a brand new pair still in the binders, never worn. If a funeral didn't come along, they'd never be worn.

Back in the day, I used to be a clothes horse. I bought clothes left and right--at the men's shops, not the discount stores--and got into the habit of dressing in suit and tie, or sports coat, for work. I didn't have to, it just made me feel good to spruce up like that. It becomes a matter of pride. And too, I had a 32 inch waist back then and clothes hung on me nicely. Now, with this "Dunlap disease" (my belly dun lapped over my belt), I look like a slob in anything.

Back then, there were a couple of dapper fellows involved in the court scene where I went twice weekly at least and it became something of a game to see who showed up with the neatest new silk tie or pair of Italian loafers. That went on for several years until I finally said hell with it and went back to the Dockers.

Not long after my mom died, I went through all the clothing and gave away 60 plus shirts and 40 some-odd pairs of pants, most of which I had outgrown. There were a couple of suits I could still wear, but didn't need or want. A young guy who sometimes works for my brother around his farm got the clothes. A really poor kid who never had much of anything. Jerry said he was strutting around like a peacock with those clothes on. All of them were still good, not worn out or shabby. When you have that many clothes they don't get worn often enough to get threadbare.

I just hope he doesn't wear that camel YSL double-breasted, two-button, side-vent with the big legs because that's way too seventies-eighties. It looked fine it its time, though.

I don't have a lot of clothes nowadays. Not nearly enough outer wear. I have a handful of trousers and regular shirts. I need a new wardrobe and undoubtedly will have to purchase one before I go to California in November. Nothing fancy for damned sure. A few pairs of khakis and a few shirts.

But getting back to the laundry (damn I can get sidetracked!), the wise thing to do would be to do it some cool night. But no, I have to wait until a day when it's going up into the nineties. That's because my dryer doesn't have a vent through the floor and out of the house. The house is too close to the ground there and really no way to install one, unless a willing midget could be located.

So it has a lint bucket that attaches to the end of the hose. You put water in the lint-catcher. Talk about throwing out some humidity! But the water catches the errant lint, even if the inside of the house steams up like a freaking tropical rain forest.

I suppose I'll sit here and think about it, as the August sun climbs in the sky and it gets hotter and hotter. Around noon or so, I'll probably start throwing the stuff into the washer. I figure three big loads should do it.

Praise the Lord and pass the cold beer. The day of reckoning has arrived.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Getting down with it


Whee doggie, did 600 words yesterday and 770 today. All together, with what I had written in the past, up to a little more than 4,300 words now and I've just scratched the surface.

Don't know why, but anymore when I decide to do any serious writing I do it on the laptop in the living room. I have the whole damned coffee table covered with files and galleys and notebooks. I try to keep it all covered over with a towel when I'm not working, but hell, who puts a towel over a pile of stuff on their coffee table?

Obviously, I do. I'm not much into what's proper or not. I don't expect a visit anytime soon by Good Housekeeping -- though I wouldn't be too surprised if "Better Hovels & Garbage" didn't contact me about doing a feature spread. That could be about as close to fame as I'll ever get.

I've thus far resisted beginning the edit/rewrite process on the book I loosely call the vampire novel. I know I have to do it but I'm not in a big rush. Probably in the next couple weeks I'll apply an hour or so a day to that. Don't wanna get carried away and lose my "retired" status. I worked too hard to gain it.

Don't know why, but I've been fighting the urge to buy a new laptop for several weeks. Came very close a couple times, especially last weekend when the state was holding a sales tax holiday for certain things--including computers up to $1,500.

I don't really need it as the (three year) old one I have is working fine. I bought it when my mom was in the hospital; well, actually the last night I stayed there with her, which was the next to last night of her life, I had it there. She was transferred to hospice and died after one night in the nursing home.

Looking ahead, I have a trip to California coming up in November and that will be somewhat expensive. I'd be well advised to save my money for that. When I go somewhere I don't like to play the pauper. My first wife used to chew my ass constantly about grabbing the check every time we'd go out partying with friends and for some of the massive tips I left. I didn't think $50 was too much tip for a $60 meal, especially not after I'd just won about a grand at the dog track in Yuma. Share the wealth, that was my motto.

Another time, a TV news anchor friend of mine had a booze bill of $185 for his table sent over to my table as a joke. I smiled over his way and threw $250 on the girl's plate and refused to undo the joke when he rushed over and tried to reimburse me. I guess I liked to play the role sometimes, but I was making good money at the time.

Fortunately, my wife didn't see some of the spending when Kenny and I would take the girls from the Country Boy over there for an evening of dog races and party-hearty. The girls loved it, of course. They got betting money, drinks, big steaks and prime rib and whatever else their pretty little hearts desired. A couple of them were my lovers during that time. I'd give anything to see them now, after all these years. One is dead, so I'll never see her again, but I think her sister is still alive and well. I might find out when I go west, being the sneaky old devil I am.

Ah, the trouble with old guys like me is that we live too much in the past. That's understandable, since our future is so limited. The good times have come and gone for the most part. Young women look right through us anymore. They don't even see us. We are invisible.

Not to the older women, apparently. I talked to a bunch of them after my brother-in-law's funeral last week. A couple of them weren't bad looking. Widows probably with some change in the bank. I was talking to my sister today and she told me those old gals were really impressed with me, said I had "personality" and all. One of them (might be the one I was flirting with a bit) said I was. "cute." *L

Oh, well. Shut up and have another beer, Jazzbo. Thank you very much, don't mind if I do.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Gearing up to do battle with the Muse

A bit of gibberish here before I launch into the morning serious writing project, which should produce the desired minimum of 500 words. Yesterday was the real beginning of this effort and I wrote 545 with no big problem. In fact, I have so much information at hand that I could probably do 5,000 words a day if I wanted to fight it and try to prove something. But I don't. I plan to take it slow and easy and get it right.

Having too much information can be more of a pain in the ass than not having enough. With too much, there's the problem of determining what to tackle next and getting it in the right order. You have to watch out for redundancy as things gather and build, too, because sometimes a bit of information can fit in several places. And indeed, can be properly used in more than one spot, though the wording must be changed.

This is the kind of tale that won't be written straight through from beginning to end. Indeed, I didn't even use that technique with Parallel Blues, but instead wrote it in chapters here and there and then determined how they fit together. A few places I had to come up with transitions to make it work. And I did write the last three or four chapters in sequence.

With the vampire novel just finished, I started on the first line and went straight through to the end. I found that worked real well and I'll probably write the next novel the same way, unless it's too complex to do so. The vamp thing has a limited number of characters and settings, thus it wasn't hard to keep from getting confused. And, I'm using Rough Draft instead of Word for the initial draft. It has a nice note column to the right side that's handy for including bits that you will need to refer to later.

But with this non-fiction thing, that approach won't work as well for me going in and I know it. I've already finished a segment dealing with a subpoena I received in an attempt to compel me to testify to sources for a news story I had written that turned out to be wrong. That won't come into play in the very early part of the book, but I'll know where to insert it when the time comes.

I began with the idea of doing it in named chapters, but have just about decided to do it in parts -- maybe three of them. The murder, the trials, the aftermath and what has happened since. I may do a rough outline once I get past this early writing, when the chronology is very obvious and necessary to properly build the story. And I've already written the "hook," a little foreword briefly detailing the occurrences and designed to grab the reader and keep them turning pages. Learning the necessity of such things is another benefit to having worked in journalism, where you have to grab the reader by the collar immediately before their eyes flicker off to the next headline and opening paragraph.

Hell, I've done my 500 words today already. Unfortunately, they are right here, which doesn't contribute to the cause. So, I shall can the chatter and get my ass in the wind, do some writing that counts. Later.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Mellowing out

My sister said something the last time we spoke on the phone that got me to thinking. She mentioned how much nicer a person I am now, how I have changed, and she said that everybody noticed it. I'm just more pleasant now than I used to be.

Well, she picked up on something there but she didn't say what she could have: that I'm no longer so egotistical, arrogant, full of myself. Yeah, and selfish. What we would normally define as an asshole.

I was all of those things at one time, in spades. I may still be to some point, I don't know. But I know my thinking has changed a lot in the past few years. I damned sure don't see myself as the center of the universe or expect everybody to cater to me like I once did. The world will keep on spinning long after my old ass has been vaporized, which is something I now understand, but that wasn't always the case.

For most of my life, I've been particularly thin-skinned. I was quick to take offense, in all settings. It didn't matter if family or friend said something I didn't like, I'd blow up. If some stranger did it in a bar--or even looked at me crooked--I was apt to go off and start a big melee.

Of course, that's a big symptom of basic insecurity, perhaps mingled with a little paranoia. Being nuts runs in my family, so it could well be a little more of the latter than the former. The idea has always been, them ol' Chandler boys will just fuck you up if you mess with them. They don't play no shit games.

Nowadays, I try to rein in the more erratic notions when I'm offended or bothered by something, for two reasons. Number one, it's usually pretty stupid to get upset over something someone has said or done. It's done and it is what it is. Number two, at this point going into ass-kicking mode is impossible and I do not relish the thought of getting stomped on a parking lot somewhere. My only hope in a fight would be to get that swift and true blow in to the trachea and then kick the fucker in the nuts and head before I ran out of oxygen. Otherwise, it would be bye-bye ass.

Fact is, I think age mellows us all out. The old competitive thing gets a little pointless finally. And you realize finally that it doesn't cost you anything to be a little nicer and more pleasant to people, especially to friends and family.

After all, they're about all we have when you look at the reality of things.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Let the healing begin

The almost 800 mile total ride, and the tension in between, damned near got me down. Either one would have done me in almost, but combine the ride with the sadness and damned if it wasn't almost more than I could take.

But Kenneth had a wonderful funeral, if indeed such can be said about any service designed to pack one away for eternity. His grandchildren eulogized him in brief remembrances of their "Poppa" and his daughter, Kimberly, did him proud with her remembrances of her dad.

It's great to be a good man that such kind things can be said about without lying. I've heard eulogies when I know the speaker had to expect God to reach down and strike them dead at any instant for telling such tales. But with Kenneth, the good things said were true. He was one of the most decent people I have ever know.

My sister had said that earlier she had thought she wanted me to give a eulogy, but through prayer determined that I probably could not do it. She was right, as I told her. I get far too emotional at such times. The only person I could eulogize would be one I didn't know or love or have an emotional attachment to. What would be the purpose of that?

We had the food after the funeral, as I predicted. Tons of it. Of course I ate too much, just as Ed and I had taken advantage of the free hot breakfast offered at Comfort Inn that morning. I sure as hell didn't won't anything to eat when I got home a little after 10 last night.

I met a lot of their friends yesterday and all them were nice. Not phony nice as people sometimes are at such times. But really nice.

I can read people better than that, I know who's being sincere and who is blowing smoke up my ass. Part of that is natural talent and part of that comes from being a longtime journalist. And no small measure comes from having blown a little smoke myself in times past.

Things will get back to normal as things always do, even after the worst intrusions into our peace of mind. Life is damned good at throwing us curve balls we can't hit. You can't win 'em all.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Getting ready to head out

I'll be heading out to Ohio in a bit. It's a trip I'm not looking forward to, but a necessary one.

I was a lot happier the last time I was in West Chester, on the tail end of my "Poetry Road" trip. That was in October 2006. I had made that 2,300 mile drive and videoed all those poets and felt I had accomplished something.

Turned out, it wasn't that big a deal, even if it took me a solid year to glean out two hours of video from the dozen or so I had. I learned just how little I knew about putting something like that together. And I also learned that I would never again take on a project that long, though I enjoy shooting shorter stuff.

I feel lucky that I managed to get a smoking room at the Comfort Inn where I'll be staying tonight. They are becoming more rare, as some chains have stopped offering them altogether. So I'll get to burn a few and will probably hook up the laptop for a dose of that complimentary wifi. Who knows, I might even have a couple of brews, it's possible.

My brother Eddie and I are going up today and then coming home sometime tomorrow afternoon. The funeral is at 11 tomorrow morning, so we'll have plenty of time to hang around some with the family afterward.

Of course, there will be a lot of food after the funeral, that's something we Southern people (even those transplanted to Ohio) put a lot of stock in. I think that's pretty common in a lot of cultures, because food is one of those "comfort" items. I used to treat food strictly as fuel to keep me going forth, but now, as I've aged, it has gained much more importance. That happens with older people, the replacement of other joys of the past with food.


I remembered to stick my cell phone charger in the bag. I'll probably do a lot of texting today during the ride and will no doubt put the whammy on the phone battery. I just got into texting the past few weeks and it's fun, though I'm slow as molasses in January.

Wrap this up. I might post an entry from Ohio this evening, depends. Hope everyone has a good day and adios until later.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

One man's suffering finished

Ken passed on last night shortly after 9 my (central) time. I had spoken with my sister less than an hour before this and she said at that time that lividity was already taking place, blood pooling in his back. That was an indication that he would not last long. He expired while the family was gathered around him praying, his long ordeal finished.

I remember talking with him just before he had his cancer surgery. He wasn't sure what the outcome would be, as many people die from that kind of cancer. But he was philosophical about it.

"I can't lose either way," he said. "If I survive, then of course that's good and I go right along with my family here. If I die, I get to see my mother and daddy and my sons again. How can I lose?"

I suppose that's a good way to look at it if you're a true believer as he was. I am not especially afraid of death, though the process itself is a little intimidating. But I'd like to stay around as long as I'm functional and not a burden on others.

So I will find out later today about the funeral arrangements. I suspect it will be either Friday or Saturday, so my brothers and I will probably make the six hour drive either tomorrow or the next day. I'm not looking forward to it, but it's just one of those things we have to endure at times.

And as if compounding the problems yesterday, we had very bad weather last night. At one point, the National Weather Service issued a tornado warning for McKenzie and the siren up the road was going like hell. I got out and shot some video of the ugly clouds before the rain started. I have it on Facebook but I think only members can see it. I might later upload it to YouTube and if so I'll add a link.

(Where the hell is my brain? I can upload it here directly and here it is below.)


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

One of those days

Damn, this is one of those days when things seem to heap up on me and I can't get much acomplished. They always seem to come at the worst times when they're most difficult to deal with.

Started off bad with me sleeping too late; it was almost 8:30 when I arose, which is unusual since I'm usually awake by 5:30 or 6 at the latest. But I was up in the middle of the night taking seltzer for a bad case of indigestion, which was brought on by some of the pizza left over from Sunday. I'd ordered one of those big specials from Mama Ilios and no way can I eat a whole one of those, good as they are. (I DID eat a whole 20-incher a few months ago and it almost killed me.) But they always give me heartburn too and especially if I eat it too late.

I need to run by city hall and pay my water and sanitation bill, go by the bank and deposit some checks, and go shopping. All this while waiting for the coming bad news on my brother-in-law. And adding to the misery is the fact that for several days I've had an infection in my left eye. Appears to be conjunctivitis, which I haven't had in many years. Toss into the mix that after an unusually cool and wet July, summer has returned with a vengeance to the rolling alluvial plains of northwestern Tennessee. Hot and humid and we're expecting storms later. And, just for another concern, I have yet to do my daily dose of writing on the Brooks murder book. Oh yeah, I'm almost out of cigarettes, too.

Oh well, I did manage to get the lawn mowed yesterday. I didn't mow it, my yard man came after I called him. I hate to have the damned thing mowed because it costs me about three cases of beer every time. I don't measure costs in money, but by the beer standard.

What the hell. It's just one of those days.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Waiting for the bad word

Sitting here today facing another imminent death in the family. That is always rough, though at this point it's a given, seeing as how we are all getting older. That knowledge sure as hell doesn't make it any easier, however.

This time around it's my brother in-law, Kenneth, who is at death's door. Ken is two years older than I am and we have been friends since the mid-fifties, when I returned to McKenzie after years in Middle Tennessee and on the pipeline earth in various places. Though his mother was a school teacher, he didn't fare as well in his studies as he could have and we ended up in some of the same classes and soon became fast friends. In fact, he met my sister because he was hanging out with me and a few years later they married.

He had a '56 Ford and many times we raced other cars on the long, straight stretch of Highway 79 South out through Jarrell Bottom. Not only did we race at speeds up to 110 mph, very frequently one of the other crackpots (sometimes Billy Scates) and I would be sitting on the front fenders at that speed.

Riding out exposed in such a wind blast is very difficult; the only way to do it is to lean as far forward as possible and put the top of your head straight into the wind, relying on the back pressure--and that tiny handhold on the hood ornament--to keep you aboard. You can imagine what might have happened had the brakes been applied with any degree of pressure. There would have been fresh road-kill all over that blacktop.

Ken went into the Air Force about 1957. He gave me his old Famous James motorcycle shortly before he left for basic at Lackland AFB, Texas. It was the first of many motorcycles I would own during my life. I had a ball with that little 150 cc English monstrosity. It had both a hand clutch (left side) and a hand shifter on the tank (right side), which was really unhandy. I later had an old Indian Chief, a honking big sucker with a 74 inch engine, with the hand shift in the same place and a foot clutch on the left side. They called those clutches "suicide clutches" for damned good reason, as anyone who has ever driven one knows. It's engaged or disengaged, little slack to play with. And keeping the left foot off the ground at stops is a pain in the ass, because if you get a bit off-balance the bike will fall over. They are extremely hard to pick up when they do.

I wrecked the little bike numerous times, in one accident ripping the hand shift lever and linkage rod off the bike. I discovered, however, that I could use the heel of my right shoe to change the small nub sticking out of the transmission case. The thing ran real well until I tore down the transmission to overhaul it. When I put it all back together, I discovered I had nothing left but high gear. That made it necessary to get the bike running and then push it as fast as I could run before leaping on and building up steam slowly. It was a bitch to ride around town, more work than I'd be up for today.

Ken came home from the Air Force, already married to my sister a couple years before. I won't go into details (too long) but in 1960 Billy Scates and I went to Miami on one of our wild road trips and wound up visiting Kenneth at Homestead AFB south of Miami, a SAC base where he was stationed at the time. We all went out and had quite a few adult beverages and Ken drove us on the base hidden in the trunk of his car. We spent the night there and he slipped us out the same way next day.

Anyway, we were working at a local furniture factory in '62 and one morning decided to quit and go to California. We informed the foreman that we'd be leaving at noon and not coming back. "You cant do that!" he exclaimed. "Watch us," I said.

Thing was, I wasn't going west for several months, though I did quit the job. Ken and my sister went and he got a job in a machine shop. And then I followed later, lived with them and went to work at Wayne Sweeper in Pomona, making about four times more money than I'd made at the furniture joint. I though I'd died and gone to heaven.

I lived there with them, even after I met a girl and got married. When I was able, I moved out but we still all spent a lot of time together, playing poker and just hanging out. Kenneth, who had been a jet engine mechanic in the AF, went on and got a job with General Electric at Edwards Air Force base. He moved to Lancaster, up on the high desert northwest of LA and lived there until the mid-eighties, when the company transferred him to their Evendale, Ohio facility. There, before his retirement, he worked his way up to a suit-wearing, briefcase-toting executive with the company.

He suffered a lot of bad misfortune over the years. His first son developed a disorder in childhood that was later diagnosed as Frederick's ataxia. Terry died in April, 2006 in his early 40s, having been bed-ridden for many years. His only other son, Mike, who was an engineer with GE aircraft, was killed in an auto accident two days after Christmas in 1999.

About that same time, Ken contracted neck cancer and had the radical and mutilating surgery necessary for that particular disease. He and my sister bore up through it all because of their strong religious faith. You can knock organized religion, but it gives people something to fall back on during such times of grief and pain.

It's hell to write, and think, of somebody in the past tense even though they are still technically "here." Kenneth really started leaving here several years ago when he was struck with the cruelest blow of all, Pick's disease. It's something like Alzheimer's but generally runs a more rapid course. Always the nicest kind of guy you would ever want to meet, he began doing things just totally out of character. I won't listed them here, but his actions were not what the level-headed and kind Kenneth I had always known would ever do.

Now, it's just a waiting game. My phone has rung twice this morning. Both times I expected it was my sister calling with the coming bad news. It was not, though both calls related to his situation in another way.

My brother, Jerry, and I plan to make a flying trip up there just for the funeral when that becomes necessary. No overnight stay, none of that, just get there in time for the ceremony and leave shortly after. It's about a six hour drive each way but we should be able to do that without too much problem. I didn't get to go when Terry died because I was tending my very ill mother who herself died a little more than two months later.

If one lives long enough, there's a lot of this shit in life. Add to that the knowledge that someday, loved ones are most likely going to be sitting around half glum waiting to receive such a phone call about you.

One of those things about life that goes in the negative column.