My sister said something the last time we spoke on the phone that got me to thinking. She mentioned how much nicer a person I am now, how I have changed, and she said that everybody noticed it. I'm just more pleasant now than I used to be.
Well, she picked up on something there but she didn't say what she could have: that I'm no longer so egotistical, arrogant, full of myself. Yeah, and selfish. What we would normally define as an asshole.
I was all of those things at one time, in spades. I may still be to some point, I don't know. But I know my thinking has changed a lot in the past few years. I damned sure don't see myself as the center of the universe or expect everybody to cater to me like I once did. The world will keep on spinning long after my old ass has been vaporized, which is something I now understand, but that wasn't always the case.
For most of my life, I've been particularly thin-skinned. I was quick to take offense, in all settings. It didn't matter if family or friend said something I didn't like, I'd blow up. If some stranger did it in a bar--or even looked at me crooked--I was apt to go off and start a big melee.
Of course, that's a big symptom of basic insecurity, perhaps mingled with a little paranoia. Being nuts runs in my family, so it could well be a little more of the latter than the former. The idea has always been, them ol' Chandler boys will just fuck you up if you mess with them. They don't play no shit games.
Nowadays, I try to rein in the more erratic notions when I'm offended or bothered by something, for two reasons. Number one, it's usually pretty stupid to get upset over something someone has said or done. It's done and it is what it is. Number two, at this point going into ass-kicking mode is impossible and I do not relish the thought of getting stomped on a parking lot somewhere. My only hope in a fight would be to get that swift and true blow in to the trachea and then kick the fucker in the nuts and head before I ran out of oxygen. Otherwise, it would be bye-bye ass.
Fact is, I think age mellows us all out. The old competitive thing gets a little pointless finally. And you realize finally that it doesn't cost you anything to be a little nicer and more pleasant to people, especially to friends and family.
After all, they're about all we have when you look at the reality of things.
Well, she picked up on something there but she didn't say what she could have: that I'm no longer so egotistical, arrogant, full of myself. Yeah, and selfish. What we would normally define as an asshole.
I was all of those things at one time, in spades. I may still be to some point, I don't know. But I know my thinking has changed a lot in the past few years. I damned sure don't see myself as the center of the universe or expect everybody to cater to me like I once did. The world will keep on spinning long after my old ass has been vaporized, which is something I now understand, but that wasn't always the case.
For most of my life, I've been particularly thin-skinned. I was quick to take offense, in all settings. It didn't matter if family or friend said something I didn't like, I'd blow up. If some stranger did it in a bar--or even looked at me crooked--I was apt to go off and start a big melee.
Of course, that's a big symptom of basic insecurity, perhaps mingled with a little paranoia. Being nuts runs in my family, so it could well be a little more of the latter than the former. The idea has always been, them ol' Chandler boys will just fuck you up if you mess with them. They don't play no shit games.
Nowadays, I try to rein in the more erratic notions when I'm offended or bothered by something, for two reasons. Number one, it's usually pretty stupid to get upset over something someone has said or done. It's done and it is what it is. Number two, at this point going into ass-kicking mode is impossible and I do not relish the thought of getting stomped on a parking lot somewhere. My only hope in a fight would be to get that swift and true blow in to the trachea and then kick the fucker in the nuts and head before I ran out of oxygen. Otherwise, it would be bye-bye ass.
Fact is, I think age mellows us all out. The old competitive thing gets a little pointless finally. And you realize finally that it doesn't cost you anything to be a little nicer and more pleasant to people, especially to friends and family.
After all, they're about all we have when you look at the reality of things.
No comments:
Post a Comment