Hardhead

I fell full length Friday and struck my forehead on a commode rim. It didn't knock me out, but it did stun me somewhat. I've only been knocked out once in my life, though I've carried some mighty blows to the head and face. I was stunned once in similar fashion when I slid a motorcycle off into a ditch at about 75 and was ejected. Over the handlebars. Over a fence. No helmet. I landed about 50 feet out in a field, on my face, and for about five seconds I was addled. I always figured the only thing that saved me was the fifth of Johnnie Walker I'd consumed in the couple hours before the accident. Limber and all, you know.

I don't count the time I was knocked out by electricity. That was aboard ship. I grabbed an electrical connection while we were washing down the ship. I was soaking wet and standing in about two inches of water. It was a 440-volt cable. I was out several minutes after that mishap. Had weird "visions" or something during that time, like a strange dream. I don't know why it didn't kill me, it should have. But then, lots of things I've done should have.

Anyway, had a great weekend visit with my lady friend. Even found the time to finish the afterword; well, not finish it actually. What I did was shitcan what I had written, about 2,500 words, and wrote a new one. About 1,100 words that say what I needed to say.

So, taking it easy for a few days, until I get the next edits back. May do a little housekeeping; God knows, it's due. Or, I could sit here and look at this fucking 35-degree gloom outside the window.

This weather is wearing me out. I'm yearning for those first warm days of spring, so I can unwrap the smoker and fire up some hickory. Maybe pop a beer or three. Wet a fishing line. Just sit on the porch and breathe fresh air, instead of this lung-clogging fog of smoke I'm perpetually surrounded by in here.

Oh well, all things come to pass. And that's good.

Weekend is here

Heading out soon to spend the weekend with the lady. I'll stop at the county offices in Huntingdon to pay bloodsucking property tax, ease in before the deadline end of this month. Already paid city.

Actually, at my income level, and being a "senior" I could take advantage of a program and not have to pay any property taxes. But I'm too damned proud. I've never asked for, or wanted, any form of charity from the government or anybody else. Damned if I'll take it at this late date.

Finished first edits on the murder book (except for the afterword). Another run-through coming up soon and probably one more after that. Then the fucker will be done. And I will be glad, really tired of it at this point. As with Parallel Blues, I probably won't even read it after it's published.

Weather has turned a bit warmer. Supposed to go up to low 50s today. But rain coming later today and for most of the weekend and a chance it might change to snow Monday.

Let it rain, that won't affect my weekend plans. I'm up for some indoor sports.

You get the drift.

The beat goes on

About halfway through the first markup returned by my editor. Many suggestions I have used, some not. We've decided to go through this process twice more and call it a day; no point in fighting it six times as we did last time. I've discovered the end is where you say it is. Anything else is pissing into the wind.

Valentine's Day. Oddly enough, won't be seeing my woman today. She came last Sunday and stayed until Thursday, although she'd planned to go back home Monday. Weather, icy roads. We sort of agreed that I should get this book done before we get together again; I just can't work on it when she's around. Well, I agreed to that anyway. She wasn't real happy.

I suspect we will get together again before it's completely finished. Although I treasure solitude (always have), I miss her when she's gone. Not just the sex, though that's part of it. I miss that smile, that odd little giggle. The way she gets all excited about certain things and, like a child, doesn't try to contain that excitement. The way she can discuss almost anything, because she's very smart. She thinks I'm a genius, but she's the one with the college degrees. As I told her, the fact that I can answer most of the questions on "Jeopardy" before the contestants do just means I know a lot of trivia, not that I'm intelligent.

It's a fairly settled fact that I will never marry again; twice is once too many. But I have lived with a couple of women since my last divorce and that is not out of the question.

I'm pondering it now, that possibility. Indeed, I could clean out the "junk room" (years ago the back porch was enclosed and converted into a very small extra bedroom) and make an office back there. A place where I could write without being disturbed too much. Clearing all the clutter out of that space would be a daunting task, but not impossible. Not fun, though, and most of it would have to go into the trash because I have no free space.

This desire to have someone else around may be more of a product of age than anything else. As I've grown older I have become much more reclusive. At some point, mere solitude wanders over into loneliness. I think that's where I'm beginning to find myself, venturing into that territory. From what I can see, it's a hostile land, a place I don't care to explore too deeply. I don't want to wind up like another old codger I know, pretending that "art" replaces what he really craves--companionship and the love of a woman.

We'll see. I've lived long enough to know that things frequently don't work out as we wish. The best laid plans, many a slip twixt....

All that jazz.


(Later, 3:45 p.m.)

She called around noon, after I posted the above. Wanted me to come over today and spend the night. I wasn't prepared to go anywhere today, so begged off. Said I'd come over tomorrow and stay the night.

Sometime later, saw the weather forecast. Winter weather advisory, snow coming in tonight; indeed, the drizzle has started already. Tomorrow it won't get above 30 so the roads will be screwed. I called her back, postponed things until Tuesday. Warming up a bit then (upper 30s anyway) so I should be able to make it without a problem. It's only 30 something miles.

I said we'd likely see one another before the book was finished. I was right.

I should have said, "several times" before the book is finished.

That would be right, too.

Just stuff

Not a great deal to report. I did speak with one of the lawyers involved in the murder case I'm writing about, a defense attorney for one of the guys, but he couldn't clear up the problem I've run into. So, I suppose one day next week I'll head over to the courthouse and spend some hours pouring through transcripts. Not fun, but what the hell is nowadays.

Shitty weather. The inch of snow we might have gotten last night didn't materialize, but today is a cloudy, cold bitch. And, there's a possibility of more of the frozen stuff Sunday night into Monday. I realize climate and weather are two different things, but when I hear some of these assholes talking about global warming it generates the killer instinct. It had better happen before the damned natural gas company gets all my money.

Sitting here waiting to hear something from a friend about when another mutual friend's viewing and funeral is scheduled. He died of pneumonia yesterday afternoon, though he was in the hospital for cancer of the thyroid; been having throat problems for a couple years and it was just diagnosed a month or so ago. Not the kind of situation that builds much faith in the medical profession's diagnostic abilities.

What the hell, he'd had his feeding tube disconnected a few days ago and had requested that a green DNR bracelet be placed on his wrist. Had a trache to assist his breathing and couldn't talk, couldn't eat and had a couple months of such a nothing life left at best. I'm sure he was ready to check out.

Lady friend didn't get to come over as planned yesterday. Problems with boarding the dog. She's supposed to come Sunday afternoon for a couple days. We'll have some Mexican food and watch the Super Bowl.

And well, you know....